Sex Dreams: What Do They Mean and Why Do You Have Them

Psychological research, as well as fascination, has long been focused on dreams. Dreams may be calming, consoling, frightful, as well as confusing. They may also have an impact on your sleep. We dream for an average of 2 hours each night, but we hardly ever recall our dreams. Though they can happen at any point in the sleep cycle, dreams often happen during most of the rapid eye movement (REM) sleep state.

Adults do dream occasionally, but not everyone has sex dreams. Numerous therapists, as well as psychologists, each have their own beliefs regarding the significance of sex dreams, but scientific research does not go as far as to examine particular sex dreams. Today, in this article, we will be discussing why you get sex dreams, whether it is bad that you get sex dreams, and also what they mean. So with that being said, let’s continue.

Table of contents:

Dreaming of sex

Why do you dream about having sex?

Less research has been done to examine the content and significance of different sorts of dreams, even though the neurological components of dreams have received a good deal of attention. Despite this, there are numerous ideas regarding the function of dreams in the human psyche.

Some theories contend that we can act out prospective scenarios in our dreams or that they aid in memory storage as well as brain reorganisation. According to other researchers, dreams can help people deal with upsetting and stressful circumstances.

Are sexual dreams normal?

It’s normal to have sexual dreams. Moreover, they are fairly typical. More than 70 percent of individuals have had at least one sexual dream. Even if the substance of the dream is unsettling—for instance, a scenario in which you cheat on your partner or have sex with your boss—it doesn’t always indicate anything is wrong. It is common to have dreams about individuals you communicate with frequently because most individuals dream of someone they recognise.

The purpose of sexual dreams

There is no one method for understanding the significance of sex dreams. According to Dr. Janet Brito, a professional psychologist, and AASECT-certified sex therapist, it’s essential to concentrate on the symbolic representations of a dream to grasp its core, despite the temptation to analyse your sex dream.

According to Brito, “when sex appears in your dreams, break this down into a storyline that has a starting, middle, as well as an end, then concentrate on understanding the feelings in your dream and being inquisitive about where the energy of the dream leads you, in particular of how the dream concludes.” This will show you the emotional need that your sexual dream wants you to fulfil in real life, she continues.

It’s ok not to take too much meaning from the dream you had last night about doing things with your boss that you had never imagined you would do. There is no need to be concerned about even “taboo” sex dreams. Simply explore a little further to discover what the subconscious is trying to tell you about your waking existence.

It’s crucial to highlight once more that there is no one-size-fits-all method for interpreting the significance of sex dreams. We all interpret each situation differently. However, there are a few recurring themes in sex dreams.

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What is the purpose of sexual dreams?

Most typical sexual dreams

If you have been experiencing erotic dreams, you may wonder whether they’re typical. You most likely aren’t alone because many people frequently have such dreams. Let’s now examine a few of the typical sex dreams.

1. Cheating on your partner

Don’t panic if you have already had a dream in which you cheat on your partner. No matter if you’re married or single, you may experience this dream. Perhaps unsurprisingly, those who scored higher on romantic jealousy also experienced more dreams in which their partner was unfaithful. It’s also likely that males dream about cheating with partners more often than women do.

In a separate study, which polled 470 men as well as 575 women who were all in romantic relationships, it was discovered that men were more prone to report having dreams about someone else than their spouse, particularly a friend.

It also showed that individuals in relationships with higher happiness had dreams about their spouses more frequently, while those in relatively short relationships with lower relationship satisfaction had dreams more frequently involving an ex-partner.

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2. Sex with an authority figure or boss

The Sleep Foundation states that having sex in your dreams with your employer or perhaps another authority figure may indicate that you are trying to get their approval.

However, if you have to spend too much time wondering about that person or spending too much time with them, the pressure of their demands at work may be the reason they keep popping up.

Why do you have sex dreams?

3. Same-sex fantasies

Same-sex dreams are natural, even though they may feel strange if you aren’t typically drawn to your sex, according to sex therapist Theresa Cheung. According to Cheung, they are both pretty common and perfectly normal. What some other woman and perhaps even man in your dream symbolise to you will determine the interpretation.

According to Cheung, when people have unusual dreams, their minds may concentrate on traits they wish they had. Also, according to Cheung, dream partners might symbolise qualities of oneself that one needs to incorporate into their daily life to advance.

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4. Several partners

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that both males and females reported having more dreams with numerous partners present at once. This study was highlighted by Theresa Cheung as well, who explained that this is a situation in which gender stereotypes may apply.

According to Theresa Cheung, a sex therapist, “Gender stereotypes do potentially transfer to choosing a dream partner, with women preferring to dream about sex in a much more personal and intimate way, suggesting their dream lover is just as significant as the dream sex.” Men dream more about having sex with strangers or several partners because they typically concentrate primarily on the dream sex than the particular dream companion.

5. Sex with an Ex

This is not just common, but you shouldn’t usually be concerned about it. Your mind might simply be lumping together comparable memories from the past, particularly if you’re currently in another relationship. According to a sex expert, having sex dreams with an ex could mean you’ve let them go and are prepared to apply the lessons you gained from them to your current relationship.

“It may be a sign that something in your current relationship is lacking, but it could also be that your intimacy requirements are not being satisfied and you are not spending much bonding time together”, Theresa Cheung declares. ”This dream might not even be about relationships and instead point to a lack in other aspects of your life, like a spirit of adventure”, she adds.

6. Sex dreams with a stranger

A healthy libido, as well as typical sexual desire, may be the only cause of dreams involving sex with strangers. It is not always a sign of infidelity or the urge to cheat if you or your partner has dreams in which you sleep with a stranger.

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How to be more aware of your feelings?

For your sex dreams to serve as a tool to assist you in better comprehending your desires as well as emotions, they don’t need to be based on intense feelings and perhaps even prior traumas. Even if your dreams are amusing, think about delving deeper into their meanings to help you understand your emotions as well as your deepest wishes.

Create a journal

Keep a journal near your bed and record the specifics of your dreams there to better understand any trends or recurrent sex dreams. Analyse the dreams as well as determine their similarities after 3 to 5 entries. You might wish to discuss your sentiments with your partner if they indicate a need for greater intimacy.

Scan your body

A sexual therapist may also advise scheduling time to write in a journal about your day’s events. Give yourself the approval to create time for a “soul appointment” during which you can establish a connection with your heart’s essence.

Sex therapist Theresa Cheung also advises scheduling 20 to 60 minutes in advance, turning off your phone and computer, brewing some tea, as well as taking five deep breaths before performing a body scan.

A body scan helps you to pay attention to the actual changes taking place within your body, locate the locations of your emotions within your body, and finally learn to identify your emotions. Allow your body to communicate the feelings that are stored there as if your body had a voice.

What are sexual dreams?

Can you get rid of your sexual dreams?

Of course, having sexual dreams isn’t everyone’s worst nightmare. But dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg does give some guidance if the dream is persistent, bothersome, as well as you simply wouldn’t want to keep having dreams about somebody you do not even genuinely want to sleep with.

She continues, “A dream is going to nag you as well as keep delivering you the very same message over and over until you pay attention and take action. The only method of making a dream stop is to respond to the message it’s telling you.” So, for instance, if your boss keeps appearing in your dreams, “Then accept the message but also run with it,” she advises. “Begin taking charge of your own life. Once you start taking the initiative, the dream will end.” she concludes.

Remember that the essential factor you need to consider when understanding the message is “asking yourself, in what manner do I have to engage with this individual?” as well as the qualities about them that you respect or admire, Loewenberg writes. You can then begin to exhibit whatever character or trait that is.

Typical sex dreams

Who is most likely to dream of having sex?

Sex dreams can happen to everybody, and the majority of individuals have had at least one. There is no evidence to support the idea that one group is the only one who experiences sex dreams.

According to a 2017 research of 211 married women, 51.3 percent of participants reported sex-related dreams, with 25.6 percent having them regularly. According to the research, experiencing sex dreams was associated with the following factors:

  • Younger, between the ages of 20 and 29.
  • Holding a university degree.
  • Not having a job outside the house.
  • Having sex more frequently.
  • Experiencing more frequent orgasm.

There were no gender variations in the frequency of sex dreams, according to a 2019 study that polled 482 people. People were more likely to report having sex dreams and having them frequently if they had more sexual thoughts and a more sexual temperament.


Sexual dreams are a common occurrence in life. These dreams are typically the result of your subconscious processing the previous several days. You might wish to consult a mental health expert to help you process the dreams if they make you feel uncomfortable but seems to be frequently occurring. If not, take some deep breaths as well as think about accepting your sexual fantasies and utilising them to discover more about who you are as well as what you genuinely desire.